By Jordyn Glaser
“The Life Letters” is an ongoing series designed to encourage foster and adoptive parents, as well as provide inspiration and insight to all pro-life readers.
(Oregon Right to Life) — I sat in the back seat of the small European vehicle, inattentively gazing upon the snowy uninhabited hillsides as they passed. We were on hour two of the three-hour drive to our son’s small village near the Serbian border. At this point in the journey, I was contemplating whether my stomach was churning from the manual shifting on the narrow, bumpy roads or the anticipation of what lay at the conclusion of the drive.
Our adoption guide, Lucy, efficiently used this time to run through the schedule for the next several days, covering important issues that my husband and I would need to prepare for, both physically and emotionally. Adoption in Bulgaria is a two-trip process. We were on our first trip, which meant we would meet our child in person for the first time, spend at least five days together, and then sign paperwork stating whether we planned to proceed with finalizing the adoption. During this initial trip, the child’s name would also be changed to match their new family. The new name would then be used on all official adoption documents as well as his or her passport and travel visa.
Lucy paused and seemed to gather her thoughts before continuing. In the lull, I found myself leaning forward towards the front seat to better hear what would come next. She explained, in her heavily accented words, that in Bulgaria it is customary for a person’s last name to be their “family name,” while their middle name is a version of the father’s name, so people can identify which family a person belongs to. In the unfortunate case that a child does not have a father who will claim them, then the mother’s name is given as the default middle name. This seemingly harmless social norm, therefore, labels a child as wanted or unwanted from the moment of their birth.
We Are Adopted
After our mandated five days of interaction, the day came to officially change our son’s last name. We also decided to offer him Brian’s middle name as his own. Since he was almost 15 years old at the time, we left the choice completely up to him, but we understood the value of his hearing and believing the message that he was wanted and that his place in our family was secure.
That day, our son took Brian’s name as his own, and he was legally claimed by a father for the first time in his life.
I realized that what our son experienced is an earthly picture of our own secure place as God’s children.
I believe that foster and adoptive parents like us have the privilege of understanding Biblical love in a way that others may not directly experience. We know what it is like to love a child who may not yet love us in return. We know how it feels to be rejected by a child who may not understand that we only want what is best for them. And we know what it means to not give up on a child who has given up on themselves and everyone else in their life.
Ephesians 1:3-14 reminds us that we are God’s children – adopted into his family for no other reason than the fact that we are chosen by Him. Our place in his family is secure – not because of what we do, but because of who He is.
Great is His Faithfulness
This call on our lives is very specific. Adoption and/or fostering is not for everyone. In fact, the statistics show that it is not for most. But all of us have some kind of mission to which we’re called. For those of us who are adoptive and foster parents, this is our ministry: this is our mission field.
Being an adoptive or foster parent might be the most fulfilling discipleship I could ever have the privilege of taking on. But it can also be one of the most daunting. As every parent will know, no one knows or loves our children as we do, and therefore no one will be as invested in their success and ultimately in their salvation like we are. It is important to remember that God specifically chose us for the children in our care, and He will continue to equip us for the job.
At the end of the day, to my children, I am not an adoptive mom, foster mom, or biological mom – I am just “Mom.” And what they need most is for me to keep faithfully showing up and taking things one day at a time. I am found faithful when I demonstrate patience with my mostly nonverbal son by slowing down and working through what he is trying to communicate – especially when I’m in a hurry. I am found faithful when I offer forgiveness to my teenager when he steals and hides food from the kitchen – again. I am found faithful when I display gentleness for my daughter while she has a sensory meltdown because her sweater is too sweatery.
Whatever mission field God has called us to, we often live it out through the small, mostly unseen, and unremarkable moments. All we need to do is just take one step at a time – one hug, one soft response, one deep breath for extra patience.
Today, we can thank God for the opportunities He’s given us to live out our call – whether as biological parents, foster or adoptive parents, or another ministry. And we can put one foot in front of the other and remain faithful to the call He has given us.
And, in the end, we can rest in the knowledge that all this is really His story – and it is our Father who is ultimately found faithful. He is the one who never lets go of us. He chose us, adopted us, and loved us.
He will always be found faithful – and that is what this whole journey is all about.
