By Jordyn Glaser
“The Life Letters” is an ongoing series designed to encourage foster and adoptive parents, as well as provide inspiration and insight to all pro-life readers.
(Oregon Right to Life) — When our family lost our adoption placement in the fall of 2021 we decided to load up the tired old Toyota Sequoia and go on a road trip. Since we had already planned to be on vacation from school and work for the birth of the baby we chose to keep the time off on the calendar and used the week to escape daily demands of life to process this loss collectively as a family.
Once the SUV was successfully loaded down with snacks, blankets, books, and weary hearts we headed out for Yellowstone National Park. I’m a solid believer in car conversations with my kids. It’s nothing short of amazing what they will tell you when they are unofficially detained in a small space and don’t feel the pressure of direct eye contact.
With this in mind we left the floor open for whatever direction they needed the conversation to go. Over 2,000 miles and seven days later our family felt like we had found our footing again.
As life unavoidably does, things moved on again even with our grief still lingering in the background. We soon settled back into our normal routines, the kids went back to school and Brian and I returned to work. I discreetly removed the “All About Me” school project from Esme’s bedroom wall that illustrated her expected new baby brother, and I boxed up all the tiny clothes from the closet that Rory had washed and lovingly folded. But even with all the attempts to protect our hearts, it wasn’t long after that we received a call from our adoption agency asking us what we would like to do with our active home study.
Brian and I heavily wrestled with the decision—it felt wrong to quit, but our hearts were still battered and hesitant to proceed. We felt privileged that God had grown our family through adoption, but we also felt like we were trying to limp to the finish line at this point. So much of this process was out of our control and honestly we didn’t know what to do next. We prayed and talked with friends who could offer godly counsel. We researched our program options. We held family meetings around the dinner table. And then, we called the agency and told them we would like to officially close our application.
Learn to Rest
As much as it nearly killed me to walk away from an active adoption process, we felt God leading us in a different direction. Just because adoption is a good thing, it did not mean that it was the right thing in that moment. A good thing at the wrong time is still wrong. American culture loves the hustle. We are told that resting is for the weak. But if we listen to this lie at some point we will come face to face with burnout. God created work before the fall—but he also created rest. God didn’t rest on day seven because He was tired. He was teaching us what was good. We can see in the Bible that God created seasons of growth and harvest, and He also created a season of fallow.
Rest is not a sin. Rest is not inherently wrong. And sometimes rest is absolutely necessary to be able to keep going with what God has asked of us. (Read that part again if needed.)
In 1 Kings 19:4-8 we see a piece of Elijah’s story. He had been actively serving the Lord just as he had been called to do, and now he found himself in a situation where he was exhausted and fleeing for his life.
He was weary and he wanted to quit.
This story is a great reminder that although it can feel counter-productive, learning to pause and care for our physical and mental needs is necessary. Elijah stopped running. He slept, ate, and drank—twice because the angel in this story didn’t even think once was enough—and then he had the renewed strength to continue.
Carry On
Two years after we closed our adoption application we saw the profile of a teenage boy on a waiting child website. After multiple family meetings and ongoing prayer we began a new process.
We had taken time to rest and now felt strong enough to continue again. I’m not a fan of the term “self care” because I think we have warped it to be something it is not intended to be. But the reality is, no matter what we label it, it is essential to not only take care of our spiritual health, but also our physical and mental health so we can continue the work God has called us to. God has given us one body, one brain, and one soul so we need to be good stewards with what we have been given. This might look different for each one of us but the point is that we are intentional about it.
Even though culture screams at us to keep going at all costs and white-knuckle through life, I don’t think that is what God has called us to do. He offers us a better way.
He offers us the permission to stop and refuel when needed.
Just like Elijah we need to learn to rest—not to quit.
