By Jordyn Glaser
“The Life Letters” is an ongoing series designed to encourage foster and adoptive parents, as well as provide inspiration and insight to all pro-life readers.
(Oregon Right to Life) — On an early spring day, my three children and I were making our regular commute home from school. Davis was enrolled in half-day kindergarten, and Rory was attending part-time preschool. The middle row of my SUV was tightly packed with an infant car seat in the center and high-backed booster seats on each side.
As we made our way down the country roads on our way home, I listened to my then 5-year-old son, Davis, debrief me on his daily adventures. He was an animated talker and always seemed to have a mischievous grin in place—maybe that is just the standard with most little boys in general. He told me about the games he played at recess and the art project he completed in class. I always added the mandatory “wow” or “uh-huh” so he knew I was following along with every word.
Then, out of nowhere, he said something that made me appreciate this car ride conversation routine.
“Oh, Mom, today a kid from my class asked if Esme was my real sister.” He said it with a matter-of-fact tone, so I did everything in my power to keep my cool and not react with the sudden emotions that were raging inside me.
I looked in my rearview mirror and connected with his dark eyes, “Oh, that’s interesting. What did you say?” I held my breath, ready to pull over and turn the car around to teach someone a lesson.
To my surprise, Davis’ face lit up with a smile, and through his giggle, he replied, “Of course she’s my real sister! She just got here differently.” And with that, he was back to narrating his playground victories and the details of snack time.
Children Are A Blessing
Davis and Esme have had a special relationship since the day she was born. The first time he held her in his tiny arms, he looked up at me with awe and whispered, “Our baby has the same eyes as me!” And he was absolutely right. Both Esme and Davis have dark brown eyes, almost to the point where you can’t determine where the pupil begins. In that moment, my five-year-old son saw only the connection and not what made them different. He didn’t focus on her dark skin contrasting with his. Or how her dark curls differed from his cropped strawberry-colored hair.
No, what he saw was his new baby sister—the rest was just details.
We can learn from children when it comes to simplifying things in life. Davis understood at a young age what most adults spend their lifetimes struggling to grasp—God builds families in many ways. Some families are blessed with children through adoption, some through foster care, some biologically. Psalm 127:3-5 reminds us of God’s design for children. Regardless of how our children arrive, God has placed them intentionally in our families, and they are a blessing from the Lord.
Just Details
Almost a decade after that conversation in the car with Davis, I found myself in a similar conversation, but this time with my daughter Esme. She had come home from school and seemed to be wrestling with a burden that I couldn’t quite identify. Finally, as evening approached, she came to me and spoke in a soft voice, “A girl at school told me that if I wasn’t adopted, I would look like you. But since I am, we don’t look alike.”
Again, I found myself taming the emotions bubbling up inside me so I could tend to hers first.
“And what do you think about that?” I asked in a falsely calm voice.
Esme, being my deep thinker, took a few moments to dig up her real thoughts on the situation. I waited quietly, letting her decide without my input. She finally made eye contact again and replied. “Well,” she hesitated, looking for the words, “I think it would be kind of boring if we all looked the same.”
The crack of laughter escaped from my previously pursed lips before I could stop it, “I agree!” I proudly proclaimed as we smiled at one another. With that solved, she hugged me and headed off to happily play in her room.
I am well aware that our family colors outside the lines when it comes to the social norms. Not only have we built our family differently than most, we have even broken most of the rules in the adoption world—we are a mixed-race family from three different continents, we have adopted out of birth order, and we have two sets of artificial twins. I am also aware that we will continue to navigate hard conversations over the years of parenting. We will probably experience heart aches that I won’t be able to fix and questions I won’t have answers for. But we will navigate it together just as God intended.
Because at the end of the day, the fact remains that no matter how they arrived, children are a blessing from the Lord—the rest is just details.
